You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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