It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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