Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.