i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare