Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Remember the time you cried about coconuts