Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.