I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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