I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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