clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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