I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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