I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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