masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
