just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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