I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
