Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Boobs are out for the taking
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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