A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
