know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize