Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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