Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
