Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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