Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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