On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
