What a fucking waste of an outfit
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Houston, we have a squirter
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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