that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
