So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
