i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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