Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
