one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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