oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
