she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
