I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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