You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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