so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
