How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
