All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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