I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
