Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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