I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
