Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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