you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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