Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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