She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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