spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
