I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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