you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
