I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
