It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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