so that wasnt chicken after all
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
is it fun? or sober?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
