I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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