Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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