its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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