He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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