You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.