I'm really into asian looking animals
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
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You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to