im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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