Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?