So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is