Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.

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(650): I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it. http://tfl.nu/k1p6

Replies (7) Good night (812) Bad night (3610)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.

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(803): Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning. http://tfl.nu/55ug

Replies (12) Good night (4589) Bad night (1111)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.

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(480): Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that. http://tfl.nu/wbxh

Replies (13) Good night (4784) Bad night (1111)
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(805): View more from California

Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.

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(805): Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win. http://tfl.nu/velv

Replies (25) Good night (5566) Bad night (1241)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps

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(808): Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps http://tfl.nu/jjp1

Replies (7) Good night (4962) Bad night (1359)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.

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(262): Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole. http://tfl.nu/sreo

Replies (21) Good night (1217) Bad night (5294)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it

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(781): if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it http://tfl.nu/706q

Replies (4) Good night (4024) Bad night (1836)
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(503): View more from Oregon

well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back

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(503): well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back http://tfl.nu/ecfc

Replies (5) Good night (3186) Bad night (1577)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him

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(319): Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him http://tfl.nu/qb96

Replies (16) Good night (2366) Bad night (740)
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(949): View more from California

Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

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(949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie

Replies (29) Good night (5436) Bad night (1194)
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(719): View more from Colorado

Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...

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(719): Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this... http://tfl.nu/zlco

Replies (2) Good night (646) Bad night (1160)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.

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(505): I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub. http://tfl.nu/yxnr

Replies (6) Good night (1982) Bad night (522)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.

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(417): I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston. http://tfl.nu/atcw

Replies (11) Good night (1721) Bad night (1239)
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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.

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(208): I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join. http://tfl.nu/8sfb

Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (204)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.

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(401): I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired. http://tfl.nu/tebe

Replies (3) Good night (554) Bad night (217)

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