he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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