Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
