I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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