My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
