Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
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