seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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