Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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