So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
