he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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