Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
