i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
