how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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