I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
a search helicopter?!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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