remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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