Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Houston, we have a blender
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize