So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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