my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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