You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
