I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
