Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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