so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
