4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
