he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
